What will you be when you become a Butterfly?

January 15, 2014

Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.
-Nathaniel Hawthorne

 

Butterflies have been a theme for me for a long time.  Not only are they beautiful to look at, and their fragility and grace is a special wonder to any child or adult who crosses their path.  The idea of first being grounded to the earth, and then after hibernation and curling up for a period of time, they blossom and leave their cocoon to then spread their wings and take flight. Going from beautiful flower-to-flower, free to go where they please, and bringing beauty wherever they go.

To me, a butterfly represents beauty, freedom, peace and tranquility.  My husband and I used this theme for our wedding.  I sang Alicia Keys’ song “Butterflyz” and we did our first dance to this song.  My dad and I danced to Bob Carlisle’s “Butterfly Kisses”.  Each guest left us butterfly wishes, we released butterflies at the end of the ceremony, and a wonderful family friend even sewed little butterflies into our Chuppa.  We were married in Hawaii, and this was a beautiful analogy for how our love had blossomed and grown and was now ready to be free as we joined our lives together.

 

Yet, even personally I have been meditating on this theme, yet again.  As a metaphor for where I am in my life at the present moment.  I do feel that I have spent much of my life crawling around, slowly, trying to figure out where to go next and where my path would ultimately lead me.  These past few years I have done some deep soul searching, curled up in my own little ball, in some sense asleep, hibernating, awake, but not necessarily alive.  Not wholly, I would often go through my days in a trance-like  state.  Going through the motions, getting through the day, but feeling very little, besides maybe tired, overwhelmed and anxious.  As I have been journeying more inward, I have discovered an entirely new me, and slowly she is awakening.  Seeing things for the first time, experiencing love, happiness and joy on a whole new level, as if renewed.

 

I believe I have only begun this journey really; I am still just beginning my break from my cocoon.  My true self longs to be free and fly, but I am still a bit scared.  Fear keeps me from jumping.  Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of freely expressing my emotions, fear of being hurt, fear of judgment…many, many fears.  I am facing the fears one by one, face to face, debunking them as they present themselves.  One day, maybe this year, maybe five or ten years from now, I will emerge free, and I will fly and share my unique gifts and love with others. Spreading my beauty and tranquility from place to place, person to person. Until that day, I will continue to rest, sleep and grow.

 

I am meditating on the question, “What will I be when I become a butterfly?”  Think about it. If you were truly free to be who you are, to express your emotions without fear of how they will be perceived.  To fly where you want and be who you want.  Truly following your passions and desires, only keeping the things that serve you and only maintaining the relationships that support you and lift you up.  Without guilt and fear keeping you down.  What would you do?  Who would you be?  Where would you go?  What will you be when you become a butterfly?

 

The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough.
-Rabindranath Tagore

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MELISSA
JILLIAN
Melissa Jillian | melissajillian7@gmail.com | 917-328-7598